Are We There Yet?: My Journey from a Messed Up to Meaningful Life

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c Y Radio. It's employees are affiliates.

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Any questions or comments should be directed
to those show hosts. Thank you

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for choosing W for c Y Radio. Hey, welcome, Good to have

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you with us. I'm Bill Martinez
and our next guest. You can blame

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it all on him, guys.
He's the comedian who famously coined the phrase

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happy wife, Happy life. Huh
oh. I mean he couldn't come up

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something for us, but no,
you know, but I think it was

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for him. It certainly answered his
need. He's been the hero ever since

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with his wife, and I guess
that's all that counts, because it's,

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after all about him. Jeff Allen
is who I'm talking about, and he

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is the author of a new book, Are we there yet? My Journey

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from a messed up to Meaningful Life? Jeff joins us. Now, Jeff,

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welcome the show. Good to have
you with us, Hey, good

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to be with you. And uh, I came up with happy husband,

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who cares, doesn't run, That's
what I'm saying. I was, where's

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the counter to that? So where
the guys Okay, at least usband?

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No, because because you could take
that and the T shirt and she'll throw

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it right out. Yeah. So
yeah, happy wife, happy life.

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It works. And uh and so
here it is, you know, and

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so just to get over it,
you got to live with it. And

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uh and hopefully you know it's it
doesn't get you in too much trouble.

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Well, it fits our bumper sticker
culture, you know, justice, no

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piece, you know kind of thing, you know, all that, all

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that good stuff. Well, yeah, it's good to be talking to you

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again. I always enjoy our time
together. Uh you in your book?

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Are we there yet? Boy?
You're pretty raw? I mean you you

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lay it out and uh, in
fact I was. I was watching a

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video I think you did a while
ago about being an atheist and you know

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how how hard that was to be
an atheist. Actually you didn't even realize

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how hard it was, right,
No, I didn't really if you had

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asked me what my worldview was,
I would have said, what's a worldview?

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I had no clue, you know, I just my father told me

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when I was fourteen to stay away
from Christians. They were bad people,

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so I stayed away from them.
My uncle was a pastor, my dad's

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brother, and then his son was
a pastor, and so the outside peripheral

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family, you know. So anyway, I just lived my life, you

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know, just following whatever my desires, uh, wherever they took me.

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And you know, it's it's interesting. Somebody asked me recently in an interview,

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you know, why would you share
such deeply personal and not flattering things

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about you? You know, it's
but I said, I wanted to read

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her and understand when I said I
was angry what that look like within the

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confines of my house, Because you
know, who you are at home is

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who you are. I mean,
you can put on a public persona all

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you want, but in the end, between those walls of your house and

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how you treat your wife and your
kids is who you are as a man.

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So when I shared the story about
standing on a stool in a kitchen

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and screaming at her until she fell
to her knees and sobbed and then put

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my son to Beddad night, and
you know, six year old son says,

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you know, you win, Daddy. I go, what do you

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mean I win? He goes you
yell, Mommy grides you win, you

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know. And I went downstairs and
I told Tammy, I'm going to get

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some help. I didn't want to
be this man, right, And that

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was kind of the journey about,
you know, the first half of the

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book is that journey seven or eight
years of trying to figure out you know.

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When I went into a twelve step
program, they said pray, you

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know, of course it to what
Yeah, And they said we'll make it

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up. And I thought, well, that's kind of that's making up a

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deity that makes me delusional. I
mean, I understand, you know,

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God exists or he doesn't. I'll
give you that, okay, exactly know.

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So I might have moved into agnosticism
relatively early in my in might walk,

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but you know, I exhausted self
help New age Buddhism, you know,

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and I think when I met the
man that put the Bible in my

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home, I was reading inane ran
at the time and trying to figure out

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how to put a band aid on
my marriage with more money, you know,

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And anyway, that's the second half
of the book. Is that what

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that looks like? Yeah? But
you know here it is and as things

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would work out. It's interesting how
God uses people and brings them into your

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life, and sometimes the people that
he uses are the most irritating, right,

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they can't well. My favorite answer
to a prayer is a wonderful life.

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When George Bay is at the end
of his rope and he says to

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God, I don't do this well, I really don't talk to you whatever,

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and he says, I need something, I need help, and then

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the next scene he gets punched in
the face, you know, and through

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that his life is saved. You
know. So sometimes an answer to a

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prayer for your own good is a
punch in the face. You know.

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Well, I like the story that
you you share about this guy you meet

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up with it you don't particularly care
for, but he's a golfer and he

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happens he Abson Blonto, a really
nice country club and uh, I mean,

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you didn't know that he's a Christian? You just okay, you know,

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I heard he could get me on
augusta national Uh. And that's that's

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all I needed to hear. I
told my agent I want to work with

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this guy, and he said,
why, he's not that funny. I

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said, I don't care at all, you know. So anyway, again,

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I'm reading a rand and we're on
a golf course and he's quoting the

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Bible, and I'm trying to figure
out how do you accumulate wealth because I

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was never taught how to be wealthy. And the first thing he says to

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me is, you don't want a
lot of money. I go, I

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don't. He goes, you can't
handle what little you have. Apparently a

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lot would be just a burden for
you, and I couldn't, you know.

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I go, of course, who
doesn't want money? You know?

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And as I got older, I
realized he was right. I mean,

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had I come into a pile of
cash at that point in my life,

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I'd either be dead from cocaine or
I certainly would have been bankrupt, you

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know. But well, he's a
smart alec who's got a membership at Augusta

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National and he's throwing shade your way, right. Well, he wasn't a

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member, but he had friends.
He had a friend that was at the

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time I didn't know this, but
he was the CEO of Pigley Wiggley and

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he was a member there, which
is interesting because he asked me to go

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out there, and it was I
was living in Phoenix at the time,

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and he calls me, like on
a Monday, he goes, Wednesday,

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we're going to play Augusta, you
know. And I looked into it.

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The airfare everything, you know,
would have cost me two to three grand

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to do it, and I just
said, I don't have the money.

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I can't do it, but I'm
moving to Nashville, so when I get

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there, it'll be I can just
drive to Augusta and exactly. So.

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Yeah, So a year and a
half later, I call him up and

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I go, hey, man,
you know about Augusta. He goes,

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Oh, the guy died. Don't
mean he died, He goes, he

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was eighty three. I teld me
that, yeah, that went. I

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hawked one of my kids, you
know, just to get there. And

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if I had a jury of my
peers, golfers, they would have understood

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exactly why I did that. Yeah, nobody would have convicted you, no

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doubt, absolutely, Yeah, But
but what an experience. I mean,

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the guy I had a chance to
play Augusta and to walk the grounds that

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all these great golfers had walked in. And we were with the media group

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that was the last group that played
in the season. And as you may

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know, and it's the last weekend, last week of May, and right

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after that group's over, they roll
up all the grass and everything, just

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like rolling up carpet and they recede
the place. And really it was just

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so spectacular and what a joy.
Yeah. I got a an acquaintance here

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and a guy I know pretty well. But anyway, since he was a

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kid, he carried the placards for
the tournament with the scores on him.

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Oh yeah, and now he's almost
fifty five years old. He still does

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it because they let him play on
Monday after the tournament exactly. So he

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says, I'm not giving that job
up man. Yeah for forty years.

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So anyway, so but you end
up, you end up at Augusta and

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this guy who who is a Christian
you didn't know, and you're talking Ann

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Rand, he's talking the Bible,
and uh, but something something breaks through

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there. Right. Yeah, we
weren't at august though, we were in

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Uh, we were doing a comedy
club in Tampa, first week together.

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But We're out golfing during the day
and I'm asking him how do you accumulate

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wealth? And he said basically,
He said, first of all, I

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want to tell you straight up,
you can't enjoy the creation too of a

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relationship with the one who created it. Now, I said, well,

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that sounds kind of new Age.
Where'd you read that? He goes,

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well, the relationship part is biblical. It's in the Bible with Jesus.

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And I went up, okay,
So a couple of holes went by said

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something else, like it's really great
where you read it, you know?

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And he says, it's in the
Bible and I said, stop it with

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the Bible. He goes, what
do you mean? He goes, I

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said, well, who reads the
Bible anymore? You know what I mean?

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You know God, God's word,
you know, it's come on,

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that's a little archaic. And he
says, well, let's back up.

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What's in the Bible. You don't
think it's true? And I go,

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I don't know. I never read
the Bible. He goes, well,

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you're not really an atheist. You're
a moron, you know, And and

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then he went on to explain he
goes the Bible is the most influential book

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in the history of mankind, in
the history of the world. You can't

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even crack it open. How lazy
and moronic is that, you know?

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Exactly? Yeah, I wanted to
hit him, but then I think he

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would have not invited me to Augusta. So yeah, exactly. Yeah,

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if it's possible, yeah, if
it's possible for an atheists have an ethical

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quandary, I was in one,
you know. But anyway, we struck

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a friendship up that week and before
we left, he said, you know,

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I like you, and I to
this day, thinking back on the

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man I was, I couldn't understand
what, you know, I had nothing

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to offer him as anything outside of
the fact that I was a good comic

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and he was trying to learn the
trade. And I'm thinking maybe that was

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it, you know, he wanted
to pick my brain for some comedy tips

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or something. I don't know,
but maybe maybe you could throw a couple

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of your b material lines that didn't
work before you could throw him his way,

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and maybe yeah, or at least
teach him about timing and you know,

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you know, and editing. That's
to me is you know, comedy

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in the essence. You know.
Shakespeare said, brevity is the soul of

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wit. And I'm amazed at how
many guys tell me jokes after shows and

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the wife stand behind him just rolling
their eyes as they go on. And

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it's one I've heard. But I'm
a polite guy, so I just said.

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And then when sometimes I laughed because
I'm not paying attention, and it's

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it's like at the setup, not
the punchline. It's embarrassing, you know,

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now that's not the joke. Oh, I'm sorry. You know,

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man, are you still talking?
I mean, I'm kind of trained down

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here. But anyway, we parted
friends that week, and he signed me

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up for some tapes coming out of
Texas dent and Bible pastor Tom Nelson,

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who has done a brilliant series on
Song of Solomon. He toured that for

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years on love, sex and Marriage. And then anyway, he sent me

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a Bible. I just threw that
in a junk tour when it arrived at

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my house, and the tapes came
every two weeks. I had two two

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new tapes and never opened them up. And for about a year or so

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we were friends. I played golf
together, hooked up when we could to

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work together. And he never asked
me about the tapes or the Bible.

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You know, we had we had
deep conversations. Again, I'm reading to

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you know, trying to figure this
whole thing out. What's the what's the

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point all? I'm losing everything.
But but you're not reading the Bible though

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you're reading everything else, right,
everything else. I tell this to churches

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all the time when I worked there. You go out into any Barnes and

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Noble in America, and the shelves
are full of books of man's attempt to

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find meaning apart from God. Yea, thousands and thousands of books. We're

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a chatty little species he created.
And then the Bible sits with dust on

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it because nobody wants to crack it
open, you know. And and it

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was about a year or so in
Tammy and I had filled out divorce papers

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and we were about ten minutes from
the courthouse and she had me pull over.

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So we're having a conversation about whether
or not we're going to end our

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marriage ten minutes from the courthouse.
And how long have you guys been married

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to this point? About seven years? Seven years? Well, And I

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said to her, you're out.
She goes, what do you mean,

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I go, Tammy, I love
you, I really do, but I'm

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damaged good. It's like my brother
and my father. I can't stop raging.

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I can't stop smashing things, you
know. And every time I'd smash

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something, she just hour in the
corner. Because of her upbringing, every

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time somebody got angry in her home
growing up, she got hit, you

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know. So admitt and I raised
my voice. It just triggers all of

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that, and she neither started yelling
at me to stop yelling, you know,

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which was counterproductive. I used to
say I hated conflict. Conflict in

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my home growing up. If I
if I stood up for myself, my

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father pitched me against the wall to
end the conflict. So I just learned

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to fight or flight. I mean, when conflict comes, I just so

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we have this this interesting and marriage
and that she needs to stop the conflict.

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And I don't want to do conflict. But I can't get away from

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her to just settle down long enough
to you know. So it was it

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was this dance we did and I
just told her you're out, and she

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goes, well, this is wrong, and I said, if we go

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home home, divorces off the table. This is your one and only shot

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to get me out. You deserve
better than me. I told her that

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you deserve better than me. But
nobody will love those kids as much as

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I do. You're not going to
find another man to love our two boys

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as much as I do. But
I can't. You know, I wouldn't

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fault you. So anyway, she
said, let's go home. And about

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five or six months later, this
summer came and she took the kids to

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Ohio and I didn't think she was
coming back. I really didn't, and

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she told me years later. Then
when she got off the plane, her

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parents grabbed her and said, great, you're home now. You don't have

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to go back to him. And
anyway, I took that opportunity to listen

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to a tape and it was Ecclesiastes. And I honestly don't believe out of

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all those tapes, any other book
of the Bible would have spoke to me

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at that point in my life like
Ecclesiastes. Yeah, exactly, you know,

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meaningless, meaningless, All in life
is meaningless, yeah, vanity,

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yeah, but I that was my
conclusions after seeking for seven seven plus years

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of trying to find an answer or
a point to this existence. I was

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a full blown nihilist at this point. Yeah, and you're, well,

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that was so true, so true, and I thought, well, if

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that truth is in this book,
there has to be other truth in it.

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It's interesting that all the tapes I
listened to are either Job or Ecclesiastes,

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and uh, I just found Job. I actually laughed the first time

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I read Job because I thought,
man, this poor sap. You know,

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he's got the you know, he's
got the whole world by the hand.

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And then all of a sudden,
fire bombs come out of the sky

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and in his cattle. You know. It wasn't like the crew came in

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and said, you know, we
got a hoof and mouth disease. You

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know, there's there's fireballs coming from
the sky. Man, we're quitting.

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We're not gonna something with you.
Somebody doesn't like you. That's right exactly.

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And then when the wife said curse
God and die, you know,

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yeah, you're sitting there with all
those sores and you're in a burlap sack

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and you've lost everything and you're still
worshiping God, you know, and then

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he says, quiet a woman,
do you know do I just take his

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blessings and that you know, this
is all from God for whatever reason,

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you know, And anyway ended up
and then they had bad advice and three

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knucklehead friends. That was that was
it. You know. So your friends

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are telling you, oh, of
course you did something. You know,

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God hates you, you know,
obviously you know. And that was nothing

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but the truth. You know that
nothing further from the truth. So and

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then when I hit so you're listening
these tapes and all of a sudden,

256
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the Bible starts becoming real for you. Yes, And I was laying my

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life over the words. You know, one of one of the verses I

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remember writing of the word wow next
to wash What what joy or what benefit

259
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do you get from those things that
you are now ashamed of? And I

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thought of all the ears I drank
and drugged that I thought I was having

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a great time, and now you
know, I'm humiliated by it. I

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mean it was like, holy Kyle, I wasted fifteen years of my life,

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yeah, exactly, and all the
money I spent on the drugs and

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the alcohol and you know, all
of that, you know, and then

265
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you go, wow, that's so
true, you know. Going back to

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that moment, where you guys are
ten minutes from the courthouse to end at

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all. What impresses me, Jeff, is that I think maybe your wife

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realized, and maybe you did in
the back of your mind, that somehow

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the marriage, as messed up as
it was, was going to be the

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source of healing for both of you. Is like something that both of you

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had to go through in order to
realize your destiny, so to speak.

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If I can put it in those
terms, I agree with you, and

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I also believe you know. And
again I say this all the time that

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if God sat me down at the
age of thirty one, the day after

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I went into recovery, he said, look, this is what I want

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to put you and your wife through
for the next seven or eight years.

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But at the end of this journey
of all that pain and suffering, you're

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going to know my son Jesus,
and you're going to know a peace and

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a calm that will pass all your
under You know, all of that,

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I would have never signed up,
which is why he doesn't tell us his

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plans. But it's almost as if
he said, look, I'm gonna give

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you enough rope to let you seek
your answer. And if you think you

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can find it of an earth here. You know, eventually it'll leave you

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empty. And it did, you
know, and it quenched you know.

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I mean, this self help wasn't
a total waste. I recommend books.

286
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I hope people read my book,
but I hope that's only the beginning.

287
00:18:36.079 --> 00:18:41.720
I hope it stirs you to go
inside and take a good look at yourselves

288
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and realize that there's a better life
than than the one you're living. And

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I'm still my gosh, I'm still
at work in progress. I mean,

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you know, And that was the
title are we there yet? Because I

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was constantly constantly asking am I done? Yeah, I'm done, I'm t

292
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to this. I'm talking and then
I you know, eventually I get triggered

293
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or something and I'd smash something and
I'd go and Tammy would look at me

294
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and go, you haven't changed in
twenty years. That was like the worst

295
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thing she could say to me,
you know, Chang, I go,

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oh God, I hate myself,
you know, And then the cycle starts

297
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and you come back and you go, but you know, what used to

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be two or three times a week
is now maybe two or three times in

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00:19:22.519 --> 00:19:26.400
a year. You know, I
get I get really hungry or tired from

300
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the travel or something. And then
uh, you know, I watch something

301
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on TV and I'll throw nerve.
I throw nerf balls at the news.

302
00:19:34.519 --> 00:19:40.319
You know exactly. Tammy hates me
comment. You have a bucket of nerf

303
00:19:40.400 --> 00:19:42.960
balls these days. I have a
bucket. Yeah. Everything I say,

304
00:19:44.039 --> 00:19:45.440
she goes. I've heard it's just
shut up, you know, say anyway,

305
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I just throw nerf balls and then
she goes, Okay, you know

306
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she knows what I would have said, so exactly wise, the wise woman

307
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that she is, so so here. So for six months she's she's back

308
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with her family for some peace,
I guess. And you, in your

309
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own way, you figure, okay, you have time and you're starting to

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move in a different direction. Yes. Uh, now during this six months,

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00:20:14.359 --> 00:20:18.039
are you talking to her and sharing
well? Three months? Three months?

312
00:20:18.079 --> 00:20:19.359
Okay, she went for the summer
with the kids. Oh yeah,

313
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I actually she was involved. I
end. The first chapter begins with my

314
00:20:26.119 --> 00:20:30.160
I proposed to her at baggage claim
in Cleveland Airport because I wanted to read

315
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her to fall in love with my
romantic side, the baggage claim. That's

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that anyway. The illustration that a
pastor would use is she had no idea

317
00:20:42.480 --> 00:20:45.920
the baggage she picked up that day. You know, hey, here I

318
00:20:45.920 --> 00:20:49.839
am. But anyway, the chapter
ends. Seven years later, I find

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out she's in the middle of a
relationship with another guy in California, and

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I call her on the phone and
I tell her to get home to Arizona,

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where we were living. And her
friend called me two hours later and

322
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said, she won't be home tonight. She's devastated. She can't fly.

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She'll be home in the morning.
And I believe this in my heart.

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00:21:11.359 --> 00:21:12.880
Bill, had she come home at
night, we wouldn't be married today.

325
00:21:14.160 --> 00:21:18.240
Yeah, you know, and that
you found out, Yeah, oh yeah.

326
00:21:18.279 --> 00:21:19.799
I called her on it. I
called I had a feeling. You

327
00:21:19.839 --> 00:21:22.920
know, it's interesting I write this
in the book, but it's like,

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00:21:22.960 --> 00:21:26.079
you know, all of a sudden, you know, phone calls are being

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00:21:26.119 --> 00:21:29.279
answered in the kitchen, they're being
moved to the bedroom. Yeah, a

330
00:21:29.279 --> 00:21:32.400
lot of times you pick up the
phone somebody's hanging up, you know.

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I mean, there were there were
things, and we had long stop being

332
00:21:36.039 --> 00:21:40.759
intimate, you know. So anyway, I had a feeling, and then

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00:21:40.960 --> 00:21:44.480
uh, she went to California again, and I called a friend to hers

334
00:21:44.640 --> 00:21:48.079
to talk to her. This is
before cell phones. And she said,

335
00:21:48.519 --> 00:21:52.039
she's not here, she's out shopping. And I think, who goes visits

336
00:21:52.079 --> 00:21:56.200
a friend and then decides they want
to go shopping on their own on their

337
00:21:56.240 --> 00:21:59.720
own? Yeah, without their friends. Anyway, I called my American Express

338
00:21:59.759 --> 00:22:02.319
and I said, is my card
being used right now? And he said,

339
00:22:02.400 --> 00:22:06.240
yeah, it's at a hotel and
whatever, the Southern Cow And anyway,

340
00:22:06.359 --> 00:22:07.920
I said, could you give me
the phone number the hotel? And

341
00:22:07.960 --> 00:22:11.079
anyway, I called the hotel,
got her room. She picked up the

342
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phone and I said, gotcha,
and it was this pine, I said,

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00:22:15.200 --> 00:22:19.680
get home. You know, I
was angry, which wasn't unusual for

344
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me. Anyway. You know I
could watch a Bears game and smash things.

345
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You know, well, I hear
you, but this is tough.

346
00:22:27.440 --> 00:22:32.119
This is this is a tough violation. I mean, this is a breach

347
00:22:32.160 --> 00:22:36.400
of trust and all that goes on. And like you said, you had

348
00:22:36.440 --> 00:22:41.839
an inkling that something was happening,
but God had determined that that was the

349
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day you needed to know the truth. Well, that was it. And

350
00:22:45.279 --> 00:22:49.240
also had she come home that night, I would have cut her verbally and

351
00:22:49.319 --> 00:22:55.119
said things I probably couldn't have taken
back. You know, James compares to

352
00:22:55.680 --> 00:22:57.680
the human tongue until like a rudder
on a ship. You know, he

353
00:22:57.759 --> 00:23:00.640
said, the rudder is a small
part of a large vessel and can't steer

354
00:23:00.640 --> 00:23:04.599
the vessel without that small And the
tongue is the same thing. It's a

355
00:23:04.599 --> 00:23:10.599
small part of our bodies. But
you steer this whole thing with your tongue,

356
00:23:10.839 --> 00:23:12.960
you can bless her curse. So
anyway, I had a night alone

357
00:23:14.480 --> 00:23:18.799
with the god I didn't believe in, and uh yeah, it was a

358
00:23:18.839 --> 00:23:21.680
constant reminder of the kind of man
I was. I mean, every time

359
00:23:21.720 --> 00:23:25.799
i'd get righteously angry, some little
voice would remind me of the time I

360
00:23:25.799 --> 00:23:27.400
stood on a stool in New Jersey
and I screamed at her. You know.

361
00:23:27.839 --> 00:23:32.759
There was a bunch of those incidents, right, And I left at

362
00:23:32.759 --> 00:23:36.720
the end of the night. Obviously
I didn't sleep. So as often as

363
00:23:36.720 --> 00:23:40.279
you wanted to pick up a stone, you were reminded that you know of

364
00:23:40.319 --> 00:23:45.759
the offenses that you had, and
you had to play absolutely And I went

365
00:23:45.799 --> 00:23:49.680
from how could she? How?
Okay, I understand, how could she

366
00:23:49.759 --> 00:23:52.480
not? I mean, honestly,
Tide's married to me. It would it

367
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wouldn't have lasted seven years, you
know, right. So I picked her

368
00:23:56.599 --> 00:23:59.039
up at the airport the next day
and I gave her a kiss, you

369
00:23:59.079 --> 00:24:00.359
know, on a cheek can get
her a hug, And she said,

370
00:24:00.400 --> 00:24:03.799
that's it. I go, it's
not. I got left. I'm exhausted,

371
00:24:03.839 --> 00:24:07.119
and we're a mess. We're an
absolute mess. You and I we

372
00:24:07.240 --> 00:24:11.480
got kids that need adults, you
know. So if what you want in

373
00:24:11.519 --> 00:24:14.000
California, I won't stand in your
way. But if you want this to

374
00:24:14.039 --> 00:24:17.480
work, you have to take fifty
percent of the blame for this mess.

375
00:24:18.039 --> 00:24:22.039
Right. You can't make it fifty
one forty nine. You know you can't.

376
00:24:22.079 --> 00:24:23.319
I can't be it more a fault
than you, and you can't be

377
00:24:23.400 --> 00:24:27.000
it more fault than me. Let's
just say we both screwed up. Wow,

378
00:24:27.119 --> 00:24:33.079
And Jeff, that's that's wisdom,
Jeff. I mean for you to

379
00:24:33.400 --> 00:24:37.720
understand that like that, that,
I mean, how many guys in that

380
00:24:37.799 --> 00:24:41.400
situation would have said that, Well, I don't know. That's God,

381
00:24:42.079 --> 00:24:48.160
that's that's that's the verse where Jesus
says, be careful of the method,

382
00:24:48.160 --> 00:24:52.759
the method you used to judge another
exactly, you know, be careful how

383
00:24:52.759 --> 00:24:55.759
you judge another, because I use
the same standard on you you know,

384
00:24:55.960 --> 00:24:57.720
and I didn't have I didn't know
the verse, but I'm in hindsight,

385
00:24:57.759 --> 00:25:02.079
I look back and I go,
yeah, that's you know, you know.

386
00:25:02.119 --> 00:25:06.279
And again I wanted to title the
book and Examined Life based on uh

387
00:25:06.880 --> 00:25:10.920
Socrates. I think it was said
an unexamined life is not worth living,

388
00:25:11.240 --> 00:25:15.680
right exactly. Yeah, so I
wanted to call it that, but I

389
00:25:15.680 --> 00:25:18.079
thought, are we there yet?
Kind of really said it in this sense

390
00:25:18.119 --> 00:25:22.279
that you're you're a child getting in
the recovery and you're like on this journey,

391
00:25:22.599 --> 00:25:26.759
right, and you're not driving the
ship. You know, God's driving

392
00:25:26.799 --> 00:25:29.480
the ship, and you just keep
going, I'm in there, in there,

393
00:25:29.559 --> 00:25:33.160
come on, yeah, he's but
he's moving you from glory to glory,

394
00:25:33.400 --> 00:25:37.880
right, And I mean exactly doesn't
look pretty, doesn't feel pretty.

395
00:25:38.519 --> 00:25:45.839
Both. So so here here you're
dealing, you know, with this issue,

396
00:25:45.960 --> 00:25:49.079
and you both you know, you
come to the conclusion, okay,

397
00:25:49.119 --> 00:25:56.880
fifty fifty and uh, I mean
that's that is really really tough. I

398
00:25:56.880 --> 00:26:00.279
remember I had one counselor and you
know, and we're we're talking about a

399
00:26:00.319 --> 00:26:04.079
similar issue, and uh, you
know, because he said, well,

400
00:26:04.200 --> 00:26:07.680
you'll know if you've forgiven the other
person, if you can feel the same

401
00:26:07.720 --> 00:26:12.519
way about them that you did before
you knew that there was an offense.

402
00:26:12.960 --> 00:26:18.039
I said, wow, that's a
that that's a tough you know, that's

403
00:26:18.039 --> 00:26:22.240
a tough fence to climb. It
is, especially if you're in a marriage

404
00:26:22.240 --> 00:26:26.759
where you really did nothing to warrant. I had certainly a history, right

405
00:26:27.240 --> 00:26:30.480
you know, well, well I
think I think that, like you said,

406
00:26:30.599 --> 00:26:33.119
you know, when you examine your
life and you're being objective about nobody's

407
00:26:33.160 --> 00:26:38.599
nobody's innocent here, it takes it
takes two. We we're co creators in

408
00:26:38.599 --> 00:26:45.240
this family dynamic, and so nobody
can you know, wash their hands claims

409
00:26:45.279 --> 00:26:47.599
that well, you know, she
was a totally idiot or he was a

410
00:26:47.599 --> 00:26:52.960
totally idiot and went off the reservation. I mean, there's causal aspects to

411
00:26:52.039 --> 00:26:56.759
it. And fortunately both of you, because of the kids you love so

412
00:26:56.880 --> 00:27:00.279
much, it gave you some sobriety
and some anchoring. Yeah, and I

413
00:27:00.359 --> 00:27:03.359
again, I think a lot of
it. You know, I traveled a

414
00:27:03.359 --> 00:27:06.759
lot, you know, so we
we had time apart, so it wasn't

415
00:27:06.799 --> 00:27:11.599
this constant thing that was hanging over
us twenty four seven. You know,

416
00:27:11.759 --> 00:27:15.079
for years, you know, we'd
get apart and get a chance to think,

417
00:27:15.160 --> 00:27:19.839
you know, and unfortunately, you
know. It's funny. Tammy made

418
00:27:19.839 --> 00:27:22.799
me when when we were going through
the last draft of the book. I

419
00:27:23.200 --> 00:27:26.920
told her, you need to read
this and be okay, because this is

420
00:27:26.920 --> 00:27:30.599
my version of what we went through, you know. So we spent three

421
00:27:30.680 --> 00:27:34.720
days, at about forty hours going
through every line in the book. How

422
00:27:34.720 --> 00:27:37.759
many times did she throw the book
at you? Well, it was interesting,

423
00:27:37.799 --> 00:27:41.480
she read. She read the first
two chapters and put it down.

424
00:27:41.599 --> 00:27:44.400
She said, I can't read anymore
and we were horrible people. Well,

425
00:27:44.720 --> 00:27:47.839
and I said, we have to
finish the story. Tam right right,

426
00:27:48.200 --> 00:27:51.480
you know that. I said,
who we were is not who we are.

427
00:27:51.680 --> 00:27:55.039
I mean it, but it's uh. It was a hard read.

428
00:27:55.599 --> 00:27:59.359
But she made me take the word
affair out. I was calling it an

429
00:27:59.359 --> 00:28:02.799
affair and I said, why it's
an affair. She said, no,

430
00:28:02.880 --> 00:28:06.240
it's not. She said an affair
would give the reader some kind of belief

431
00:28:06.279 --> 00:28:10.960
that there was something romantic, and
there was nothing romantic. I wanted somebody

432
00:28:11.000 --> 00:28:14.640
to be nice to me, and
he was. And that's what I tell

433
00:28:14.759 --> 00:28:18.319
church men all the time in the
churches. I go, look, if

434
00:28:18.319 --> 00:28:19.720
you won't be nice to her,
and you won't tell her she's pretty.

435
00:28:19.759 --> 00:28:23.359
Somebody will. That's right. And
at some point, the strongest, the

436
00:28:23.440 --> 00:28:30.160
strongest character will be broken because the
devil will be pounding and pounding and pounding.

437
00:28:30.519 --> 00:28:33.319
And so it doesn't take much.
She's a low maintenance woman, she

438
00:28:33.359 --> 00:28:37.279
really is. I mean I grab
her hand every now and then sometimes,

439
00:28:37.279 --> 00:28:38.000
you know, I'll be hugging on
her and she'll go, all right,

440
00:28:38.079 --> 00:28:44.000
get away. I get it.
I just want you to know I'm here,

441
00:28:44.079 --> 00:28:48.359
baby. That's exactly. Yeah.
It's like that that that scene with

442
00:28:48.400 --> 00:28:51.000
Billy Crystal. You know, how
long do you hold on to them after

443
00:28:51.039 --> 00:28:55.599
you've been intimate? Right? Yeah, I love that, you know,

444
00:28:56.400 --> 00:29:00.160
you know, like there's a rule
or something right exactly, the fast Yeah

445
00:29:00.160 --> 00:29:04.119
exactly. But but she's like,
okay, that's enough of you, move

446
00:29:04.160 --> 00:29:10.200
on, right Yeah. So uh
so you get through it and she she

447
00:29:10.359 --> 00:29:14.119
reads the book, gets to the
other side and takes a breath and says,

448
00:29:14.160 --> 00:29:18.960
well, yeah, yeah, and
you know again, we put it

449
00:29:19.000 --> 00:29:22.880
out there and it'll be what it'll
be. You know, we're not we're

450
00:29:22.880 --> 00:29:26.920
out of control of anything that people
read it or you know, or they

451
00:29:26.920 --> 00:29:29.920
don't. I'm just glad I got
it out there. I wanted it for

452
00:29:30.000 --> 00:29:33.440
my kids, I wanted it for
my grandkids, and I wanted it for

453
00:29:33.440 --> 00:29:37.400
the thirty to forty year olds in
America now that are sitting at home staring

454
00:29:37.400 --> 00:29:41.559
at the ceiling, going, is
this it? Well, Jeff, you

455
00:29:41.599 --> 00:29:44.960
know, look at look at the
divorce rate in America today. I mean,

456
00:29:45.079 --> 00:29:48.559
I mean, the chances if you
getting divorced every marriage out there,

457
00:29:48.640 --> 00:29:52.920
it's it's better than fifty fifty.
I mean, you know, this is

458
00:29:53.200 --> 00:29:57.640
this is why the attorneys they love
the institution of marriage. I mean,

459
00:29:57.640 --> 00:30:02.319
they're making a ton of flipping money
off of this stuff because for some you

460
00:30:02.359 --> 00:30:07.559
know, because we stubbornly think we
know, we know better. And and

461
00:30:07.720 --> 00:30:11.359
yet God tells us in his word, he lays it out for us quite

462
00:30:11.359 --> 00:30:14.920
clearly, doesn't he. Yeah,
he does. And it's it's we were

463
00:30:15.200 --> 00:30:18.279
old enough. I was in I
was thirty, so I had had enough

464
00:30:18.319 --> 00:30:22.000
relationships to know that if this one
went away, I'd find another one just

465
00:30:22.079 --> 00:30:23.960
like it, you know. And
I know that's the same thing to me.

466
00:30:25.079 --> 00:30:27.440
She said, Oh, look,
my history with men is not good,

467
00:30:27.799 --> 00:30:32.400
you know, And so you want
to hang in there, you know.

468
00:30:32.480 --> 00:30:34.160
And when we took divorce off the
table. That was probably the best

469
00:30:34.200 --> 00:30:37.720
thing we ever did, because always
in the back of my mind, I

470
00:30:37.799 --> 00:30:41.279
thought, well, she'll leave me
and then I can move on, you

471
00:30:41.319 --> 00:30:47.680
know. And and uh and and
early on before I quit drinking that first

472
00:30:47.759 --> 00:30:49.640
year, I was ready to dump
it. The first year I didn't.

473
00:30:51.000 --> 00:30:52.920
I go, I can't do this, you know, I can't keep you

474
00:30:52.920 --> 00:30:56.359
know, can't party the way I
wanted to. And there's this person asking

475
00:30:56.440 --> 00:31:00.519
me, you know, why you're
getting home at three or four one.

476
00:31:00.279 --> 00:31:03.880
And she'd kicked me out of bed
at six thirty in the morning, and

477
00:31:03.920 --> 00:31:07.000
I'd be laying there all hung over
and still drunk, and she'd go,

478
00:31:07.240 --> 00:31:11.039
those boys need a father, get
up, you know, Satan, get

479
00:31:11.079 --> 00:31:15.440
away from Why did I marry you? Are you kidding me? This isn't

480
00:31:15.559 --> 00:31:21.480
this isn't good. So so the
boys, the boys have read the book,

481
00:31:22.200 --> 00:31:25.319
No, I hope they do,
you know, And my grand they

482
00:31:25.319 --> 00:31:30.880
haven't. They haven't yet. And
you and Tammy along the way had A

483
00:31:30.240 --> 00:31:34.319
told him some stories. Yeah,
because obviously they lived with you. They

484
00:31:34.400 --> 00:31:38.960
understood that, uh, you know, at one time you were a hot

485
00:31:40.000 --> 00:31:44.279
mess. And uh, you know, well, I told the story in

486
00:31:44.319 --> 00:31:47.640
the book of What got Me into
recovery. I spank my six month old

487
00:31:47.680 --> 00:31:51.640
in the crib. Oh wow,
And yeah, I was drunk and coked

488
00:31:51.720 --> 00:31:53.359
up, and he's crying and I
want I didn't want him to cry,

489
00:31:53.400 --> 00:31:56.480
and I spank and Tammy woke up
and took him away. She goes,

490
00:31:56.519 --> 00:32:00.359
who does this? Yeah, and
then she sat in the end of the

491
00:32:00.440 --> 00:32:05.680
bed and fed him. And I
just a shame and the humiliation and washed

492
00:32:05.759 --> 00:32:07.880
over me. I go, I
need help, baby. I okay,

493
00:32:07.880 --> 00:32:13.359
take me to AA tomorrow. Take
me I can't. I don't know if

494
00:32:13.359 --> 00:32:15.559
I'll have the courage to go on
my own. So put me in the

495
00:32:15.599 --> 00:32:20.039
car and drop me off and then
come pick me up. And you know

496
00:32:20.119 --> 00:32:22.680
that I told that story when my
son was twelve. I think the first

497
00:32:22.680 --> 00:32:25.440
time he heard it. He came
over to me and goes, Daddy was

498
00:32:25.440 --> 00:32:29.279
like that boy, I go,
you were And I said I was a

499
00:32:29.319 --> 00:32:30.960
different man then, and he put
his arms around me and he gave me

500
00:32:30.960 --> 00:32:35.400
a hug and he said, I
forgive you then, and I sat there

501
00:32:35.440 --> 00:32:38.720
and sobbed in his arms. I
didn't realize how important it was to have

502
00:32:39.000 --> 00:32:45.680
my son say I forgive you,
you know, And you know if I

503
00:32:45.720 --> 00:32:47.000
said that to my father, I
forgive you. He would have looked at

504
00:32:47.039 --> 00:32:54.160
me and said for what I wouldn't
go Obviously I was perfect. I don't

505
00:32:54.240 --> 00:33:00.880
understand what you've forgiven me for exactly. Well, we're visiting with Jeff Allen

506
00:33:00.240 --> 00:33:04.359
talking about his new book Are We
there yet? My Journey from Messed Up

507
00:33:04.359 --> 00:33:09.559
to Meaningful Life? It is true, it's raw. It lays it out

508
00:33:09.599 --> 00:33:14.920
there. And you know, for
all of us humanoids going through the journey

509
00:33:14.920 --> 00:33:17.599
of life, realizing that none of
us are perfect, we're all fallen,

510
00:33:19.200 --> 00:33:24.680
that we we need a holy God
and his solution to our sin problem.

511
00:33:24.759 --> 00:33:31.160
And uh, you know, Jeff, God in his long forbearance, puts

512
00:33:31.279 --> 00:33:36.599
up with people like you and me
absolutely to go for this journey right,

513
00:33:37.200 --> 00:33:42.680
absolutely, and it's not it's interesting
to me again, coming at forty years

514
00:33:42.720 --> 00:33:45.720
old, you know, I was
an adult. I wasn't a child.

515
00:33:45.720 --> 00:33:50.279
I didn't get emotionally moved at nine
years old and say Jesus, I'm yours

516
00:33:50.640 --> 00:33:52.960
right for me, it was an
eight year or whatever I'm looking So my

517
00:33:53.359 --> 00:33:58.319
prayer to him on that day was
if you are who you claim to be,

518
00:33:58.440 --> 00:34:02.480
I'm yours. Yeah, and again
it was like we'll see and I'm

519
00:34:02.480 --> 00:34:07.400
not making this up. Bill.
The next day, I had the kids

520
00:34:07.440 --> 00:34:15.000
with me. I was in Texas
and I had My father gave me Playboy

521
00:34:15.480 --> 00:34:17.519
when I was eleven or twelve years
old. He handed me a magazine,

522
00:34:17.519 --> 00:34:22.239
said I want you to learn about
women. So that was that was my

523
00:34:22.360 --> 00:34:28.239
introduction to We're gonna let Hugh Hefner
be your mentor, right, exactly exactly.

524
00:34:28.840 --> 00:34:36.440
So anyway, I bought Playboy,
a red Playboy. Uh my entire

525
00:34:36.639 --> 00:34:39.199
life. I never had a problem
with it. You know. Tammy actually

526
00:34:39.199 --> 00:34:44.199
got me a subscription to Playboy when
we first got married for Christmas. Wow.

527
00:34:44.480 --> 00:34:45.280
I mean that's where we were at. I mean, you know it

528
00:34:45.280 --> 00:34:49.400
says here, I'd rather have you
looking and then chasing, you know,

529
00:34:49.559 --> 00:34:52.679
the real thing. So anyway,
the day after I say to Jesus,

530
00:34:52.679 --> 00:34:55.840
I'm yours now, I got the
kids. We're getting gas at a gas

531
00:34:55.840 --> 00:34:59.400
station. I walk in and I
see the new Playboy in the rack.

532
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:02.159
Remember when they used to sell them
over the over the counter. So anyway,

533
00:35:02.320 --> 00:35:07.079
I go, I'm gonna give the
new Playboy, and a voice inside

534
00:35:07.119 --> 00:35:10.760
of me goes it's wrong. Yeah, And I'm telling you I ended up

535
00:35:10.800 --> 00:35:15.119
in the back of the store.
Having a conversation with myself, what do

536
00:35:15.119 --> 00:35:17.679
you mean it's wrong? I can't
What do you mean? I always anyway,

537
00:35:17.719 --> 00:35:21.559
I can buy what I want.
I'm a grown up, right,

538
00:35:21.880 --> 00:35:24.280
And then I read the verse like
two days later, I'm I'm in the

539
00:35:24.280 --> 00:35:28.840
Bible reading and it says, don't
worry about this life. I will send

540
00:35:28.880 --> 00:35:31.519
a counselor in the form of the
Holy Spirit to help you anyway. I

541
00:35:31.519 --> 00:35:35.679
goes that, the counselors that,
and then you realize I have a new

542
00:35:35.719 --> 00:35:42.239
conscience warring warring with the old conscience. You know. It's like, and

543
00:35:42.280 --> 00:35:45.599
that's been twenty seven years. It's
a constant, you know, struggle.

544
00:35:45.679 --> 00:35:50.159
I said, it would be so
easy for me if the Holy Spirit spoke

545
00:35:50.199 --> 00:35:53.239
to me in a Spanish accent,
then then I would know what part of

546
00:35:53.239 --> 00:36:00.400
my soul that's coming from. I've
never heard that. Saw Jeff, I

547
00:36:00.440 --> 00:36:05.760
go, Lord, okay, hey, yeah, it's okay, you know,

548
00:36:05.840 --> 00:36:07.840
put that down. We'll have a
chu altogether. It's okay, exactly,

549
00:36:08.119 --> 00:36:12.000
yeah, yeah, don't do that. Oh it's you okay, yeah,

550
00:36:12.119 --> 00:36:17.960
you're you're there. That's hysterical.
So, uh So, the long

551
00:36:19.039 --> 00:36:22.039
and short of it is, you
didn't buy the playboy. I did not.

552
00:36:22.320 --> 00:36:24.159
I mean, and it's again that
was a it's still you know,

553
00:36:24.719 --> 00:36:29.239
back and forth struggle for years,
you know, I find it. Told

554
00:36:29.280 --> 00:36:30.320
Tammy, I said, look,
I don't know if I'll ever be a

555
00:36:30.400 --> 00:36:35.119
one hundred percent batting a thousand,
you know, but believe me. I

556
00:36:35.199 --> 00:36:37.199
mean, it's it's so funny to
me if I go online and look at

557
00:36:37.239 --> 00:36:39.440
something I'm not supposed to, it's
like two minutes, I go, what

558
00:36:39.480 --> 00:36:44.440
are you doing? You know you're
sixty seven years old? Forts well,

559
00:36:45.440 --> 00:36:49.719
what is it, Jeff, I'm
telling you here at our age. I

560
00:36:49.719 --> 00:36:53.400
mean, before it was like Russian
brides right and and and they're they're sitting

561
00:36:53.440 --> 00:36:57.400
there bombarding my cell phone all the
time. I go, but I didn't

562
00:36:57.440 --> 00:37:00.719
ask for you, and son,
then you cancel them and block them and

563
00:37:00.760 --> 00:37:06.840
do whatever. And now I think
I'm in I'm in the Asian continent now,

564
00:37:08.159 --> 00:37:13.679
moving around the globe, moving on
the globe exactly. And it's like,

565
00:37:13.920 --> 00:37:15.400
you know, and and never once
in a while just have fun with

566
00:37:15.440 --> 00:37:17.719
them, because you know, these
gal stents are I go, you know,

567
00:37:19.079 --> 00:37:22.519
I could be your grandfather. You
know. Well, Tammy and I

568
00:37:22.559 --> 00:37:25.079
had a discussion not that long ago. She said to me, by the

569
00:37:25.079 --> 00:37:29.920
way, if you ever leave me
for a younger woman and you go beyond

570
00:37:30.000 --> 00:37:34.119
one generation, you're a creep.
And I go, oh, so what

571
00:37:34.199 --> 00:37:37.840
you're saying is I'd have to tell
my friends I left my wife for a

572
00:37:37.880 --> 00:37:39.480
fifty year old and they go,
yeah, why would you do that?

573
00:37:42.599 --> 00:37:45.440
Exactly? Yeah, And then it
just ruins the whole thing. If I

574
00:37:45.480 --> 00:37:51.719
can't leave you for a twenty year
old, what's the point exactly. Well,

575
00:37:51.760 --> 00:37:54.159
it's like my buddy used to say, you know, he traded you

576
00:37:54.159 --> 00:37:58.199
know, his forty year old wife
in for two twenties. I said,

577
00:37:58.199 --> 00:38:01.800
what are you thinking? Yeah?
I love the guys that have been married

578
00:38:01.840 --> 00:38:05.360
five times. You know, they
lose everything, you know, they they

579
00:38:05.400 --> 00:38:07.039
can. I said, why don't
you just walk into a bar, find

580
00:38:07.039 --> 00:38:12.760
a woman you don't get along with, and buy our house. Yeah,

581
00:38:12.800 --> 00:38:16.800
and all that misery in between.
Yeah, exactly. You don't have to

582
00:38:16.800 --> 00:38:22.880
deal with the attorneys on top of
that. Right. Yeah. Oh gosh,

583
00:38:22.039 --> 00:38:24.880
Jeff, your book, are we
there yet? My journey from a

584
00:38:24.920 --> 00:38:30.039
messed up to a meaningful life?
I know you laid it out is kind

585
00:38:30.079 --> 00:38:34.000
of a bit cathartic for yourself,
you know, and you and tammy you

586
00:38:34.079 --> 00:38:37.559
read it. But uh, but
it's also you know, a blessing and

587
00:38:37.599 --> 00:38:42.239
a reminder to the rest of us
human souls that hey, look at we're

588
00:38:42.400 --> 00:38:45.559
humanoids and God knows it, and
even in spite of that, he still

589
00:38:45.599 --> 00:38:50.199
loves us. Yeah, we're doing
a thing. When I'm taking a tour

590
00:38:50.239 --> 00:38:54.519
out are we there yet? Tour? And it was interesting when we we're

591
00:38:54.519 --> 00:39:00.800
pitching it to the churches, the
pastors had said, fault Jeff is going

592
00:39:00.880 --> 00:39:02.519
to do is comedy. We don't
want it, And I said, oh,

593
00:39:02.559 --> 00:39:05.920
no, gosh. The second half
of the book is a call to

594
00:39:05.960 --> 00:39:08.480
action. It's right, you know. I asked five questions. I can

595
00:39:08.519 --> 00:39:13.599
only even remember four all the time. It's what defines you? What voices

596
00:39:13.639 --> 00:39:15.639
do you listen to? What are
your expect to? Expectations are huge,

597
00:39:15.880 --> 00:39:22.599
you know, and then where does
your hope lie? But also I don't

598
00:39:22.599 --> 00:39:28.519
know if you're familiar with the phrase
tikun alam from the Jewish faith right where

599
00:39:28.920 --> 00:39:32.079
God knows it's a broken world and
He's charged the Jewish people with repairing the

600
00:39:32.519 --> 00:39:37.519
world, and your tikun alam is
what are you doing to repair the world?

601
00:39:37.800 --> 00:39:39.639
And that's kind of the end.
I think we took it out of

602
00:39:39.639 --> 00:39:42.679
the book. I don't know,
I said to my wife, I don't

603
00:39:42.679 --> 00:39:45.800
know why. I wasn't paying enough
attention, but when the editors took it

604
00:39:45.840 --> 00:39:49.480
out, I didn't notice it.
So it's not in the book. But

605
00:39:49.519 --> 00:39:52.559
the tikun alam is an important part
of the tool. Well, that's that's

606
00:39:52.719 --> 00:39:57.519
that's precious. I love that idea
because because that reminds us that we're here

607
00:39:57.559 --> 00:40:00.760
to serve Jeff Right, and God
knows it's broke. I mean, you're

608
00:40:00.760 --> 00:40:02.960
not telling them anything new. I
mean, it's not like you're going why

609
00:40:04.000 --> 00:40:06.639
did you allow this? Why did
you? Well, anyway, it's your

610
00:40:06.719 --> 00:40:10.880
job to figure out what your talents
are, your time and your treasure whatever

611
00:40:10.920 --> 00:40:15.880
that is, and what are you
doing to help heal the world? If

612
00:40:15.880 --> 00:40:17.159
you're all you're gonna do is complain
about it, what good are you?

613
00:40:17.159 --> 00:40:21.960
You know, and believe it,
there's enough complaining going on. You know.

614
00:40:22.400 --> 00:40:24.800
Well, your message is a message
that you know the church can you

615
00:40:24.800 --> 00:40:29.239
know needs to hear, Jeff,
because you're so real and raw with it

616
00:40:29.480 --> 00:40:31.880
that you know when you look out
on the on the pews and Sunday,

617
00:40:32.119 --> 00:40:35.800
you know they tell me. According
to barn And Research, a third have

618
00:40:35.920 --> 00:40:38.480
been involved with abortion, you know, and they carry the guilt in their

619
00:40:38.519 --> 00:40:42.320
heart, you know, women,
and now an increasing number of men,

620
00:40:42.800 --> 00:40:45.480
you know, as you and I
have been talking about earlier, have come

621
00:40:45.519 --> 00:40:47.320
to the real realization. Can't blame
it on that woman. You know,

622
00:40:47.400 --> 00:40:51.519
It's like, hey, where were
you? And uh, you know,

623
00:40:51.559 --> 00:40:57.280
so we've all participated in the murder
of our children and we carry this grief

624
00:40:57.280 --> 00:40:59.719
in our hearts. And you know, I tell people all the time when

625
00:40:59.719 --> 00:41:04.920
I'm when I'm talking to women,
particularly although there was a director of a

626
00:41:05.000 --> 00:41:08.199
movie. Uh, you know,
I'm sitting aside, you know, we're

627
00:41:08.199 --> 00:41:12.960
doing an interview and I'm talking and
relate to him that you know, uh,

628
00:41:13.039 --> 00:41:15.760
and I'll talk to women and they'll
they'll recount and say, yeah,

629
00:41:15.800 --> 00:41:17.400
my child would have been seven today, or my child would have been eleven.

630
00:41:17.719 --> 00:41:20.880
I mean, this is what they
hold deep in their heart. And

631
00:41:20.880 --> 00:41:22.480
you can just you know, you
just want to hug them, you know,

632
00:41:22.519 --> 00:41:27.320
because you can. You're hurting so
deep. And so I'm having this

633
00:41:27.400 --> 00:41:34.400
conversation with this director and he had
done an abortion movie and uh so as

634
00:41:34.440 --> 00:41:36.639
I'm saying and I'm I'm kind of
look at my notes, I'm a really

635
00:41:36.679 --> 00:41:39.159
paying attention. I look up.
Tears are rolling down his face and he

636
00:41:39.239 --> 00:41:44.360
says, Bill, my son would
have been eighteen, and you know,

637
00:41:44.639 --> 00:41:47.599
and so that's what's happening, is
that even men are waking up to their

638
00:41:47.840 --> 00:41:53.199
you know, the realization of their
participation. You mentioned phoography. Pornography is

639
00:41:53.239 --> 00:41:57.559
widespread even in the churches as well. Well, we're falling. I mean,

640
00:41:57.599 --> 00:42:00.800
that's why we go to churches,
you know, to be reminded that

641
00:42:00.880 --> 00:42:04.440
we need hope, and the hope
is in Christ. And hopefully he's there

642
00:42:04.519 --> 00:42:07.039
because as he promised, where two
or more are gathered in his name,

643
00:42:07.119 --> 00:42:10.280
he's there in their midst, right. Yeah. And I have a I

644
00:42:10.320 --> 00:42:19.159
have a dear friend who has had
an She has an abortion ministry. Uh

645
00:42:19.440 --> 00:42:23.440
and she just did her first men's
retreat. Oh wow, men of unless.

646
00:42:23.480 --> 00:42:28.360
She said it was so powerful.
These guys were in their fifties and

647
00:42:28.519 --> 00:42:31.320
sixties, like you said, son
would be twenty five, twenty. You

648
00:42:31.360 --> 00:42:37.679
know, they carried this guilt for
thirty forty years. Yeah, and so

649
00:42:37.840 --> 00:42:39.960
anyway, it's a it's a I
think it's going to be a growing ministry

650
00:42:40.280 --> 00:42:45.119
around the country where they're realizing if
you can heal the men from this that

651
00:42:45.719 --> 00:42:52.800
particular guilt, and that the devil
uses of believing the devil's there to remind

652
00:42:52.880 --> 00:42:55.440
you of how fallen you are.
It's just a constant, you know,

653
00:42:55.599 --> 00:42:59.119
barrage. You know you'll never be
good enough. Well, you're right,

654
00:42:59.199 --> 00:43:02.559
I never will be right, exactly, I think for reminding me, you

655
00:43:02.639 --> 00:43:09.039
know, yeah, exactly. Well
it's interesting, Jeff, when when the

656
00:43:09.119 --> 00:43:13.400
Holy Spirit had led me to the
realization, because we we we always talked

657
00:43:13.440 --> 00:43:16.800
about women and the pain that they
had suffered as a result of, you

658
00:43:16.880 --> 00:43:22.599
know, the passing of Roe v. Wade and millions of babies being murdered

659
00:43:22.679 --> 00:43:25.920
in that and God had said,
well, what about the men, and

660
00:43:27.480 --> 00:43:30.280
uh and and what it was was, I felt like He was saying,

661
00:43:30.480 --> 00:43:34.400
you know, the cry of Rachel
that we read of of, you know,

662
00:43:34.519 --> 00:43:37.320
in the Old Testament, and see
it fulfilled in the New Testament when

663
00:43:37.400 --> 00:43:40.880
Herod sent out his officials to go
and kill all the young boys, right

664
00:43:42.400 --> 00:43:45.800
and uh. So, what it
was was that I felt like God was

665
00:43:45.840 --> 00:43:50.360
saying, there's going to be that
male version of the cry of Rachel across

666
00:43:50.480 --> 00:43:55.559
the land of men realizing that their
sons, their daughters are no more right

667
00:43:55.880 --> 00:44:00.559
and uh, and it it stopped
me, It really did. It really

668
00:44:00.599 --> 00:44:02.800
crushed me. Jeff. We've got
about five minutes remaining here, and I

669
00:44:02.880 --> 00:44:07.599
cannot thank you enough for you know, being so vulnerable and you know,

670
00:44:07.880 --> 00:44:10.320
and I feel like I know Tammy
so well. I I when I run

671
00:44:10.400 --> 00:44:14.000
into you too, just tell her, just say, look at it.

672
00:44:14.039 --> 00:44:17.519
This crazy Mexican comes and hugs you. It's we kind of bonded a little

673
00:44:17.519 --> 00:44:21.719
bit here, so it's I'll tell
her that. Yeah, you know,

674
00:44:22.119 --> 00:44:24.960
But anyway, you mentioned, you
know, the three ways in your book

675
00:44:25.280 --> 00:44:29.639
to change your life for the better. Uh, in the in these last

676
00:44:29.679 --> 00:44:32.960
five minutes, maybe we can you
know, talk about the key to setting

677
00:44:34.000 --> 00:44:42.679
these achievable goals. Yeah. I
really really believe that if you the most

678
00:44:42.800 --> 00:44:50.119
important thing is to at least acknowledge
that there's a better way. And then

679
00:44:50.920 --> 00:44:55.400
again, it's it's an internal you
know again, Alcoholism is really a self

680
00:44:55.480 --> 00:45:00.960
diagnosed disease until you admit it.
Anybody in your life could tell you what.

681
00:45:01.519 --> 00:45:05.760
You know. It wasn't a shock
that when I told all my friends,

682
00:45:05.840 --> 00:45:08.079
I said, I'm getting helped form
my alcohol problem now. One of

683
00:45:08.119 --> 00:45:14.800
them said, really you like,
like Morley, it's about time you know,

684
00:45:15.079 --> 00:45:17.159
and my good friends said, great, glad to hear it. And

685
00:45:17.239 --> 00:45:22.239
the acquaintances I had set up a
betting line on how long I would make.

686
00:45:23.760 --> 00:45:27.440
They set up an over and under
on you. Huh yeah, and

687
00:45:27.519 --> 00:45:29.559
it's interesting. Here's a great story. Again. I don't know if I

688
00:45:29.639 --> 00:45:31.280
shared this in the book. We
took so much out, but anyway,

689
00:45:32.519 --> 00:45:37.239
I come back home to my old
neighborhood after five years of being sober.

690
00:45:37.280 --> 00:45:40.480
We're living in Boston, I'm New
York and I go home and I'm visiting

691
00:45:40.519 --> 00:45:44.440
my sister. So I tell my
wife it's Tuesday night. I'm going to

692
00:45:44.519 --> 00:45:45.920
go to the bowling alley and she
says why, I said, my friends

693
00:45:45.960 --> 00:45:49.840
are there. She goes, did
you call I? I don't need to.

694
00:45:50.000 --> 00:45:52.599
They've been at every Tuesday since we
were eighteen years old. They go

695
00:45:52.719 --> 00:45:57.159
bowling. I know, my you
know. I walk in sure enough,

696
00:45:57.199 --> 00:46:00.920
every one of them are there,
and it was like I hadn't even left.

697
00:46:00.280 --> 00:46:02.440
Hey man, hey you want a
beer? You know. It was

698
00:46:02.519 --> 00:46:06.920
like, not where you've been.
Haven't seen you in five years, you

699
00:46:07.039 --> 00:46:10.000
know. And I spent maybe a
half an hour, and it was so

700
00:46:10.159 --> 00:46:15.039
uncomfortable I had to leave. And
I was talking to my sponsor the next

701
00:46:15.159 --> 00:46:16.599
day, and he said, you
have to understand, for five years,

702
00:46:16.639 --> 00:46:21.360
you've been allowed to grow. You've
grown. You know. It's like in

703
00:46:21.440 --> 00:46:24.440
the movies where somebody snaps their fingers
and everybody freezes, but one guy's allowed

704
00:46:24.480 --> 00:46:29.840
to move through the this frozen crowd. They've been frozen in their in their

705
00:46:29.880 --> 00:46:34.119
addictions for all those years, and
here you've grown for five years. And

706
00:46:34.639 --> 00:46:37.039
that's why I was so uncomfortable.
It was like, holy cow, I

707
00:46:37.039 --> 00:46:39.519
don't want to go back to this, you know. So that's that's important.

708
00:46:39.599 --> 00:46:43.840
It's just to be able to self
diagnose enough to go. Look,

709
00:46:44.519 --> 00:46:47.159
I got a I got a responsibility
here to my to my wife, my

710
00:46:47.360 --> 00:46:52.679
kids. So even if you're single, I got a responsibility to my my

711
00:46:52.239 --> 00:46:57.760
uh state, my my neighborhood.
You know what, did somebody say,

712
00:46:57.800 --> 00:47:00.360
you want a good you want a
good country, start with a good house.

713
00:47:00.920 --> 00:47:05.840
Because homes build blocks, blocks built, neighborhoods, neighborhoods, cities,

714
00:47:06.039 --> 00:47:12.159
cities, states. You know,
So that that's important, just as an

715
00:47:12.199 --> 00:47:15.440
examined life is an extremely important thing. Well, you know, And you

716
00:47:15.519 --> 00:47:19.079
bring up a good point because this
is where we are in America today,

717
00:47:19.239 --> 00:47:23.320
in the chaotic space that we find
ourselves in. Uh, but you know

718
00:47:23.639 --> 00:47:28.079
that's our lives. I mean,
it's like go to the Book of Genesis.

719
00:47:28.639 --> 00:47:30.880
I often, you know, look
at that between the first and second

720
00:47:31.000 --> 00:47:36.599
verse is the chaos, the void, the darkness that was about and that

721
00:47:36.840 --> 00:47:40.559
was that was the world in sin
and chaos. But but the good news

722
00:47:40.719 --> 00:47:45.159
is is that you read shortly thereafter
is the spirit of God was hovering over

723
00:47:45.280 --> 00:47:52.079
it like like a brooding mother hovering
over its child, to bring into reality,

724
00:47:52.159 --> 00:47:55.360
to bring it to its purpose.
Right right? And if again,

725
00:47:55.559 --> 00:47:59.800
you know what I learned in ecclesiastices, life without God will have no meaning

726
00:48:00.000 --> 00:48:04.119
about meaning. There's no purpose without
purpose suicide. And that's what I see

727
00:48:04.159 --> 00:48:07.719
today is just a bunch of young
men who have no purpose. But you've

728
00:48:07.719 --> 00:48:12.039
got to find your meaning in something
outside of you. And it's not going

729
00:48:12.079 --> 00:48:16.239
to be the next car, the
next house, the next relationship. Start

730
00:48:16.320 --> 00:48:20.679
I think it was Start. I'm
not sure. Again, I'm borderline illiterate,

731
00:48:21.039 --> 00:48:24.760
but I think Start said that in
order for something finite to have meaning,

732
00:48:24.880 --> 00:48:30.840
it has to be attached to and
fixed to something infinite and unchanging.

733
00:48:31.320 --> 00:48:35.920
Now he wouldn't use the god word, but that's God. God is there.

734
00:48:36.320 --> 00:48:38.480
He had transcendent, he hasn't moved, he's not going to change.

735
00:48:39.159 --> 00:48:45.960
And once you attach yourself to that, then it becomes the question, through

736
00:48:45.079 --> 00:48:49.599
prayer and meditation, what do you
want me to do today? What do

737
00:48:49.639 --> 00:48:52.440
you got? I don't know what
to do. I'm confused, I'm lost.

738
00:48:52.599 --> 00:48:57.079
I love the way Robert Duval and
the apostle talk to God. It's

739
00:48:57.119 --> 00:49:00.760
me, sonny, God to be
sunny. I've been messed up again,

740
00:49:01.119 --> 00:49:08.159
you know. So that's I love
those prayers. And I also like what

741
00:49:08.280 --> 00:49:12.079
you said, we've got about a
minute left here. I like what you

742
00:49:12.159 --> 00:49:15.719
said that go out and find something
greater than yourself, right. Yeah,

743
00:49:15.960 --> 00:49:20.400
I thought that was a wise that
was a wise admonition. Well, I

744
00:49:20.480 --> 00:49:22.239
had a guy, a sponsor,
and we can end on this, but

745
00:49:22.400 --> 00:49:24.559
he gave me trash bags one day, and I said, what is this?

746
00:49:24.760 --> 00:49:28.119
He goes when you want a drink
and you don't want to go home

747
00:49:28.119 --> 00:49:30.559
because you're gonna fight with your wife. He said, go pick up trash

748
00:49:30.639 --> 00:49:34.559
in a mini minit or something.
And he said, and here's the hard

749
00:49:34.639 --> 00:49:37.119
part. Don't let anybody see you
doing it, because you're pridal. Kick

750
00:49:37.199 --> 00:49:40.840
in and you think you're something special, Just go pick up trash. And

751
00:49:40.880 --> 00:49:44.079
I said, why would I do
that? Anyway? He said, anyway.

752
00:49:44.079 --> 00:49:45.760
I one day I'm driving home and
I didn't want to go home because

753
00:49:45.760 --> 00:49:49.639
I'm gonna have a fight. I
see these stupid trash bags. I mean,

754
00:49:49.840 --> 00:49:52.239
my passengers see grab him. I
start picking up trash at a seven

755
00:49:52.239 --> 00:49:55.880
to eleven and lo and behold,
man, I got out of my head.

756
00:49:57.519 --> 00:50:00.400
So serve another. We're wired to, sir, except wired to serve

757
00:50:00.480 --> 00:50:05.760
and worship. Worship and serve.
And if you're not going to serve the

758
00:50:05.880 --> 00:50:10.280
master, you'll serve you know,
all these demons that that inhabit all of

759
00:50:10.360 --> 00:50:15.039
us, and you'll truly realize a
happy life ultimately, that's right, You're

760
00:50:15.079 --> 00:50:20.960
doing that right. You'll know you'll
certainly find a piece and an understanding that

761
00:50:21.079 --> 00:50:24.679
you never knew existed without a doubt. Jeff Allen, author and comedian of

762
00:50:24.760 --> 00:50:29.320
the book Are we there yet?
Jeff? How can people be in touch?

763
00:50:29.960 --> 00:50:31.440
Your book? Of course, available
at all the usual places, right

764
00:50:31.920 --> 00:50:37.360
right? Yeah. I always try
to push the Christian bookstores. You know,

765
00:50:37.480 --> 00:50:40.880
they're they're they all have it.
You know, if you're delivering there

766
00:50:40.960 --> 00:50:45.280
one it'd be great walk in and
support them. But Amazon obviously get it

767
00:50:45.320 --> 00:50:51.320
to you tomorrow, and you know, and anywhere else. I know Walmart

768
00:50:51.480 --> 00:50:57.440
has Walmart placed the big order Sam's
Club so that it's out there, and

769
00:50:58.239 --> 00:51:00.599
I hope you enjoy it. And
how about to touring information? Where can

770
00:51:00.639 --> 00:51:04.559
they see you? Jeff Allen Comedy
dot com. I'm going to be in

771
00:51:04.679 --> 00:51:09.440
Washington State at Yakima at the State
Fair to Colma coming up the twenty third.

772
00:51:09.519 --> 00:51:14.320
I think I'm into coma twenty fourth. I'm in Yakima. And but

773
00:51:14.440 --> 00:51:19.320
anyway, Jeff Allen Comedy dot com
and sign up for Facebook. We post

774
00:51:19.400 --> 00:51:24.000
all that stuff weekly where where we're
traveling too well at Amazon Prime. I

775
00:51:24.079 --> 00:51:29.159
have two specials on Amazon. Okay, uh huh, excellent. Well Jeff

776
00:51:29.199 --> 00:51:31.559
Allen, God speed, my friend
for you and Tammy, all the best

777
00:51:31.639 --> 00:51:37.119
for you, continued success and uh
and you know, we got to get

778
00:51:37.159 --> 00:51:39.280
your book out there and people will
be blessed when they hear your story.

779
00:51:39.360 --> 00:51:42.719
Thank you so much for being with
it. Thank you all right, take

780
00:51:42.760 --> 00:51:46.440
care of It's for our information and
to be a part of this mighty movement

781
00:51:46.480 --> 00:51:50.480
to return to God and to save
our country. Go to Bill Martinez show

782
00:51:50.599 --> 00:51:52.440
dot com. May God bless you
and keep you, and make his face

783
00:51:52.519 --> 00:51:58.280
shine upon you. May He be
gracious unto you and give you peace.

784
00:51:58.840 --> 00:52:00.960
Go and be a sing Thanks for
being with us. Take care,